The Sestina

Who chooses it? What it is that they want, that is. I tap my brain for hours wanting and desiring, and then hours more wondering why it is that I want what I want. Pretty unproductive, no? It can be as simple as choosing the type of syrup you want in your Dunkin Donuts Latte Lite or as overwhelming as that horrible what-do-I-want-to-do-with-the-rest-of-my-life decision. As autonomous beings, we have the right to choose (most times) but why—that’s my question. And it’s “loaded.” And it “depends.” And some are just riskier in their choices than others, am I right? Musing here.

I think that’s the problem with thinkers—and by thinkers I’m not speaking about the cerebral type necessarily. I don’t mean SMART people. You don’t have to be smart to be a thinker, necessarily. Over-analytical. But yes, back to the problem. I’ve met so many people that spend more time in limbo (to be or not to be?) than actually doing anything. Now, I’m not going to come down on myself and say I don’t get shit done. Because trust me, I’m busy. I get lots done; however, I think I’d get more accomplished if I could be more definitive in my thought process.

Where is this going? Sestinas, of course. What is it in me that feels this great need to keep writing these stupid things? Do you know what a sestina is? Do you care? Probs not. I know most people don’t even perk up at the mention of poetry, let alone a lost form like the sestina. I mean, look at this chart, man. It’s scary enough to picture a 39-line poem in your head (with repeating end rhymes!) but to witness it as this monochrome maelstrom of lyrics… shit.

Here is the point in this nonsensical entry where you tell me about what you want… things that don’t make sense. Is it part of human nature to want what is seemingly unattainable? Better yet, are you decisive? How do you think you’ve come to be.

And if you’re a good person, you’ll respond to this guilt trip by filling me in. I need filled in.



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6 comments

  1. Queen says:

    Thinker. Dweller. Ruminator. People who spend too much time debating pros and cons, feelings, emotions, rights, wrongs, whys and why nots, etc than actually doing whatever–and then promptly spend more time going over their hesitance in their head.

    I don't think it's necessarily a part of human nature to want the attainable because not everyone wants what they can't have; some people, believe it or not, are happy with exactly what they CAN attain, or even less than that. I don't think their brains are wired to want more than that. It's true because I know a few people like that.

    People who want more, I think, are always on the neurotic side. Seems as though those who want more are also blatantly aware that they yearn for more and are, even worse, aware that the “more” they want is possibly unattainable. So you see, to want more and to be a thinker and linked, and there is no escaping it. I'm also convinced that those who want “more” and go after it with tenacity may have personality disorders because they go after what they want no matter what, without pondering cons or downsides. I have also known people like this, so I'm not just pulling this out of my hat. I've yet to meet a thinker who is a go-getter without any serious deliberation and/or a hearty external push.

    So there. Don't feel bad for being a thinker. You wouldn't want more if you weren't.

  2. bbischof says:

    I am hyperanalytical, to the point of absurdity. My indecisiveness stems partly from over analysis, but also partially from trivialization. By this I mean, I realize a decision as little consequence, and the decide the decision-making is trite, so I rufuse to spend cycles thinking about it. The sad part? I often spend more effort deciding if a decision is relevant than it would take to settle the decision.

  3. k.e.hatmaker says:

    I want everything; I want to want nothing. I have an undeserving sense of entitlement. I believe I could accomplish more if I could stop wanting to to do everything at once and just choose one thing and go with it. If I could focus, I could be much more. Do more. Think about more and decide how I feel about things by focusing on one thing at a time.

    I have no idea if this was helpful.

  4. 1flychicken says:

    Ah yes… neurotic with a personality disorder. I'll bite! Haha!

    No, but truly, it's not just me. I see it around me. Maybe it is becoming human nature, which may just be more terrifying.

    Thanks for the thoughtful response! (:
    mpt

  5. 1flychicken says:

    Ah, I feel this way, too. I fit that ol' cliche I think: Jack of all trades and master of none. ):

    Focusing in is the hard part, but who is to say that we wouldn't just be happier skipping about, you know? Stasis is boring.

    I say just got and do everything… a little bit. <3!

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